Reader Request: E-mail Etiquette

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Today's reader request is an anonymous one. It comes from a personal acquaintance who asked me not to share her name. It was sparked by a recent e-mail that she had received from an upset family member. Based on the way the e-mail was written and the fact that so many of us communicate via e-mail vs. the telephone, she asked me if I would write a post on e-mail etiquette.

We all spend a lot of time e-mailing and for many it has become the preferred method of communication. E-mail saves time and often avoids needless chatter in order to be more productive. However, it also is the cause of a lot of grief for many people as e-mail messages can be misconstrued, improperly conveyed or downright rude.

Here are a 12 rules to abide by when e-mailing your colleagues, clients,  friends and family:

E-MAIL ETIQUETTE

1. Never E-mail Using All CAPS- This is read as 'yelling' and is considered very rude.  Treat an e-mail in the same way you would an actual letter. I thought everyone knew this one but I still get emails like this and it's usually just laziness, the person sending it couldn't be bothered to take the caps lock off.

2. Avoid Spamming- Don't spam people that don't know you very well with your "forward messages", be very selective about who you send these to if anyone at all.  What may be important and interesting to you may be incredibly annoying to someone else.

3. Don't 'Reply-all'- If you find yourself receiving an email and you would like to reply; do not reply to a group by hitting the 'reply all' button, rather reply to the individual sender only. This will save embarrassment on both ends and will not annoy all the other recipients or clog up their inbox. What starts off as one e-mail about a particular topic can easily turn into 20 if you get enough people fired up. This often happens with political or highly opinionated e-mails.

4. Say Their Name- When e-mailing anyone, it is considered disrespectful to begin an email without addressing the person you are writing to. If you are replying to a note, that is more acceptable, but addressing the person first by their name is proper. However that first initiated email must be addressed to whom you are sending it. It cannot begin with 'hi', 'hey' or your e-mail content right off the bat. Think of it as a phone call or conversation, you would say hello first before jumping to what you want to tell or ask the other person.

5. Use a Title- Always put a subject in the "subject" line so that the recipients can determine which e-mails to read first. Believe it or not, your e-mail may not be at the top of their 'importance' list. Other pressing e-mail may need to be attended to first so it's best to list it as 'low priority' and include a brief subject such as 'hi' or 'let's catch up!'. Avoid listing an e-mail as high priority unless it is in fact of the utmost importance to the recipient (not you).

6. Use Proper Spelling and Grammar!  With spell check and online dictionaries available today, there is absolutely no excuse for incorrect spelling and poor grammar. It just looks really unprofessional and sloppy regardless of who you are sending it to.

7. Do NOT Forward Chain letters, Junk mail or Warnings-This is annoying to anyone receiving it and a huge time waster! Many of these 'forwarded' emails could potentially contain viruses also, which I can assure your friends, family and colleagues will not appreciate.

8. Privacy is Appreciated- Use the 'Bcc' blind carbon copy feature to send a message to a large group of people who don't necessarily know each other. It protects their email information from others that may not know them and they'll appreciate your discretion too.

9. Use Proper Sentence Structure- Don't lump every sentence into one large paragraph, this is very difficult to read. Treat it as you would any other letter you would write. Make it easy to read. I have a friend who is notorious e-mailing me one really large paragraph which takes more time to read and reply to when wanting to comment or answer questions that were posed.

10. Signing Off- Use a signature that includes your contact information. This is most important with colleagues and or clients so they can easily get in touch with you. I know many people that use this format in their personal e-mail too and I find it helpful. Often they include their address or telephone number and it keeps me from having to look it up, when I need it.

11. Don't Be Confrontational- An e-mail should NEVER be the chosen format of communication when your emotions are running high and you are angry or frustrated with someone. You're liable to write something that you'll regret and can't take back, this is also the fastest way to start a fight.

What's worse is your poorly chosen words and angry 'rant' might then be forwarded to others to read. Regardless of the situation or how badly someone has hurt you, it is best to take some time to cool off, gather your thoughts, write them down and plan out how you'd like to communicate your message in the form of a phone call or face-to-face meeting. It's also never a good time to leave a voicemail message.

The people in your life deserve more than an e-mail and it is considered to be quite rude to send such e-mails to vent and get your point across.

12. Double Check-Take a moment to double check the recipients in your e-mail. Many people I know have sent out an e-mail to the wrong person. This is easy to do if you're typing in the first few letters of the person's name or email. Quite often another name will pop up. I've had this happen twice and both were completely harmless, one actually made it to my hair stylist in error. lol. You never know what information you may providing to the wrong people. Just be careful.

It goes without saying that anything that is confidential, private information should never be shared via e-mail. Personal bank account information, social security numbers and medical history should be avoided by e-mail. This way you can save yourself a lot of hassle and potentially even identity theft.

Want more etiquette posts? Here are a few more:

Cell Phone Etiquette

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Etiquette for Hosting House Guests

Re-gifting Etiquette

Have you had any personal experiences with those that are unaware of e-mail etiquette? Share with us, you can always leave an anonymous response.

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Have you ever wondered what etiquette calls for when it comes to tipping? There are so many types of services that require a tip, but today's focus is on dining out.

For many that have been servers at a previous time in life or even still are today, your opinion is probably pretty cut and dry on this matter. Several years ago I worked at an upscale steakhouse part time for a few months and got to learn the ropes of the restaurant business and also see how servers view restaurant diners'. I also got to see how servers were often treated by customers as well.

After that experience I have a whole new appreciation for servers and what their job entails. I was also on the receiving end of poor tipping even when I had gone above and beyond to provide the best possible service. This is a result of those that do not understand tipping etiquette. On the flip side, I can recall some pretty amazing tips too, but those were few and far between. Because of my experiences I personally err on the side of over-tipping vs. under-tipping. Having said that, if someone has done a very poor job and has been rude and unhelpful in solving a dining dilemma, that is also reflected in their tip.

Here are some helpful guidelines to follow so that you won't insult your server- or worse- embarrass a group of friends you may be dining with while splitting the bill.

Tipping Etiquette for Dining Out

1. Tipping is NOT optional. It is expected at restaurants as servers, chefs, bus boys, hostesses, etc., will all be receiving a small share of the server's tip. Servers earn most of their money via tips, not in wages. The hourly rate for servers is very low and is usually under minimum wage. This is a server's incentive to provide the best service possible. The bottom line here is, if you cannot afford to pay the tip after your meal, you should not be dining at that restaurant in the first place. Select a suitable establishment that is more in line with your budget. Many restaurants post their menus online, so it's easy to choose one that will be perfect for you.

2. Be Gracious with Gratuities-In North America, the tipping standard for a good restaurant is between 15-20% with 20% or more showing your gratitude for outstanding service and an overall wonderful dining experience. This amount is based on your meal's total before tax and any coupons or discounts are taken off. Other countries operate very differently and some view tipping as an insult. Before traveling abroad it is important to understand International Etiquette with a special focus on tipping practices.

3. Automatic Gratuities- If you are dining with a party of more than 8 people, you will probably be subject to an automatic gratuity of about 18%. Large parties require more assistance and typically dine longer in a restaurant. These gratuities are added to make the server's and restaurant's life much easier. Be sure not to tip on top of the automatic gratuity, which is easy to do if you are caught up in laughter, great conversation or have had a couple glasses of wine. High end restaurants often use the automatic gratuity method for all tables, so again be sure to check for that so you don't overtip. You will always be welcome to tip on top of the automatic gratuity should you so choose.

4. Handling Poor Service- If your server has been rude, unattentive or has made several errors with your order, you'll want to bring those matters to the attention of the restaurant manager. Many times they will be able to assist you or compensate you in ways that your server may not. If it is something like an undercooked steak, your server should be able to take care of this. This doesn't necessarily warrant a lesser tip. After all, the server cannot control how the chef has created your meal. Perhaps they are unattentive because the restaurant is unusually busy. Try to see it from their point of view. If there is no apology or attempt to make your dining experience enjoyable, you may then want to reflect that in the tip you leave.

If a manager has taken care of an issue with your meal and deducted it from your bill, be sure to tip on the total amount of what your meal was worth and not the lesser amount. Remember you are tipping on the service and experience and not the discounted total. The same goes for birthday cake that was provided 'on the house', etc.

5. From Lounge to Table- Perhaps you've started at the restaurant's lounge or bar area before heading to your table, be sure to leave the bartender a tip before leaving for your table. Many people want to have it added to their dining bill, but this gets sticky as the bartender usually gets left without their tip. A server may forget later to give the bartender a kickback and may not know how much to give them as this is your job as the dining patron.

If you're dining with a group and you don't want to be responsible for anyone underpaying or under-tipping, simply ask for a separate bill. Often times if a large group orders family style or shares appetizers you may wind up forking over a lot of money for a dish that you had a small taste of while others finished the whole plate.

A girlfriend of mine just recounted the most awkward scenario involving a group of close friends at a restaurant. It resulted in her spending a lot more money than she had intended all while she was trying to adhere to her tight budget.

For similar posts, type 'etiquette' in the search bar at the top of this page.

Have you been a server before? What are your tipping experiences or opinions?

Happy Dining!

Manners Monday: Cell Phone Etiquette

Do you have friends, colleagues or family members that are rude when it comes to using their cell phones? We would all like to think after years of having the cell phone in existence that most would know how to mind their mobile phone manners but it is actually becoming more of a problem.

As cell phones have become more sophisticated and user-friendly so have their usage and their acceptability in many public places. It's not uncommon to see people typing on their blackberry during their child's Christmas pageant, or chatting away while they're at the bank teller window. While cell phones by nature were meant to be used for safety and convenience, the way they are used can be down right disrespectful.

After working part time at a local Target store for the Christmas season and being at the checkout lanes the odd time (that was not my regular role), I've got to witness all sorts of interesting things. One particularly ignorant woman was talking on her cell the whole time and gossiping about a friend to what sounded like another friend. She was bad talking someone and being rude to me, she wouldn't even look up in my direction to say hello or say thank you when I handed her change to her. On the contrary I had another lady who apologized profusely after getting off of her cell since she was speaking to an ill friend who wouldn't let her off the phone. She told me she thinks it's SO rude when people do that and she really didn't want to do that to me. I could hear her conversation and assured her it was not a problem. She was so sincere and sweet and clearly understood cell phone etiquette.

After September's blog poll vote on your favorite blog topics, it's clear that 82% of you want to know more about etiquette and manners, so here is another of many more posts to come.

Below is a list of quick tips on how to be courteous around others while on your phone.


Cell Phone Etiquette Reminders

1. While Visiting- If you're out for dinner with a friend, that is not the time to leave your cell on and start replying to text messages or taking calls, unless it is for an emergency. Perhaps you're a mom and you have a new babysitter, you might want to leave it on vibrate just in case. For regular calls, it is best to leave your phone off so you can fully enjoy the other person's company. Taking the call tells your friend that the text messages and calls are more important that what you are doing together at the moment.

I have a friend that is notorious for texting and taking calls while we go to dinner or are out and about. I love her to pieces but that is one thing I wish she wouldn't do, especially when our time together can be limited with us both being so busy.

2. The Noise Factor- Why is it that the same people who have the most obnoxious ring tones are also the same people who have their volume raised to the max? Keep ringing volumes to a moderate level or turn them to vibrate. When in a public place; especially one that demands quiet such as a library, doctor's office (where they are often not allowed at all) and the movies, keep them on vibrate if you must have them on at all. It's kind of like smoking, you might be enjoying it, but nobody else wants to be subjected to it. Other important places to turn your phone off are restaurants, church, special performances and the gym. Really-how focused can you be on your workout with a cell phone in one hand?

3. Safety Hazard- We've all heard about how dangerous it can be to drive while dialing or texting on mobile phones, but the truth is I don't think we really think hard about it until we're almost driven off the road by a distracted driver or know someone who has been. Three times now this year alone I have almost been hit or driven off the road by someone on their cell phone. It's so unnecessary and the important thing to ask yourself is: " Is my phone call worth killing someone or totaling my car?" I'm certain everyone would answer no, but we still have so many on the road who do. There is nothing that can't wait until you are off the roads. Kudos to the state of California and the province of Ontario (where I grew up) in Canada who both have banned cell phone usage while driving.

4. Loud Talkers- Whether people do it to get attention from others or they are just really THAT loud, we'll never know but whatever the reason, it is rude to talk excessively loud, especially while on a cell phone in public. It's hard enough to concentrate and think most days with the amount of distractions around us. If it's not flashing billboards, then it's the radio or the store's background music. I am a bold person and while I always strive to be as courteous, polite and well mannered as possible to everyone, there are times when a 'Shhhhhh' has come out of my mouth in the library or another quiet place, and others surrounding me have smiled, sighed with relief and acknowledged what they didn't feel comfortable to do themselves. Sometimes people are just plain rude and if we don't stop them in their tracks, their poor manners will continue.

5. Inappropriate Public Conversations- I am always amazed at what people will talk about on their cell phones. Topics that you'd make sure nobody was around to hear at home or in the office are suddenly acceptable in public. Who knew? I can assure you that passers-by don't want to hear the dirty details of your nasty divorce and see you cry, how wasted you were the night before, who you hooked up with on the weekend or all the latest details of how broke you are and why you hate your job so much. If a topic comes up while you are not in a private place to discuss it, ask the person if you can continue the conversation later.

6. Ignoring While Ordering- I'm sure you've seen the many people in lines at stores, fast food drive thrus, line ups and the like on their cell phones, they're usually breaking one of the above rules along with just being plain irritating and rude to the person taking their order. As I described about the Target customer above, this is becoming so much of an issue that stores and fast food places are now starting to place signs up like the one at the top of this post. You can see a McDonald's location decided to take action. Good for them!

What is the worst scenario you've encountered with a rude person on a cell phone?