The Art of Being a Good Listener

Have you ever thought about why we were given two ears but only one mouth? I truly believe that we were meant to listen more than we speak. I am always in awe when I meet people who are truly good listeners. They seem to be few and far between these days but it is a skill that we can all develop if we choose to focus and pay more attention to how we act and react.

This past New Year's Eve, my hubby and I were invited to two parties and the first stop was the home of one of our dear couple friends'. There were many strangers among the group with whom we conversed with but I also got to see a woman that I hadn't seen in several months. I don't know her extremely well but we've been a part of the same social events and have e-mailed each other recently about getting together.

She walked over and started chatting with myself and my hubby (whom she'd met once before). We started catching up on our holiday events and she had started asking me some specific questions about what was new in my life in certain areas. Once I began answering her, she became distracted and stopped listening. My responses were not long and were new bits of information to her. Somehow though, she kept pausing and stepping out of our conversation to go grab something for her new boyfriend (who accompanied her to the party and whom I had met for the first time), and to grab a glass of water as she ate something spicy, etc. I can't remember every single circumstance but there were a LOT of interruptions coming from someone who seemed so interested and had asked me about what I was sharing with her. It appeared as though a lot of her distractions involved making a good impression on her new boyfriend by attending to his every need.

I made it a point to pay closer attention when I asked her questions and to be an even better listener because what had just happened to me was not comfortable and was quite frustrating to say the least. If you're going to ask someone a question, listen for the answer, don't just appear interested to attempt to be social. She did however, inspire today's post.

One the flip side, I have known so many great listeners, one in particular always comes to mind because he has such a way of making you feel like you're the only person in the room and that nothing outside of your conversation at that time matters. I was so drawn to this quality in fact, that he is someone that I wound up dating for several years, many years before meeting my husband. Listening to others to understand what they are going through or what is on their heart makes someone feel special. It makes someone feel appreciated, heard and less alone, which many people in this world feel.

Becoming a better listener improves who you are as a person. When you are 'present' in the moment, you are not already thinking of your next response to someone's comment, or seeking out a way that you can relate to them by rifling through your mental file of your past. Many people treat conversations as a competition and are ready to fire out the next joke, comment or fact. However, being present is so important to our overall well-being and it allows us to retain more information and better assimilate information for future reference. We know by now that multi-tasking doesn't really exist. We need to be focused on one thing at a time. Have you ever talked to someone on the phone who was driving, putting away the dishes at home or worse-surfing the net while talking to you? We can always tell that they are not fully paying attention, so I'm not sure how they think they're fooling anyone.

I am amazed at how some of my friends (who are good listeners) can recall certain specific information about me or something I had mentioned one time, long ago offhand. Those are the friends that I consider to be my true friends, the ones that put themselves aside for a few minutes and really listen. Don't we all want to be a better friend, partner, wife, mother? Here are some tips below that will encourage you to listen with both ears.

Becoming a Better Listener

1. Maintain Eye Contact- This lets the speaker know that you are listening. You can incorporate acknowledgements by nodding your head too which shows that you are paying attention. There's nothing worse than talking to someone who is looking around the room, starting down to check their phone and generally appearing disinterested. Eye contact is key.

2. Don't Interrupt- As much as you want to jump in with a similar experience or mention something you heard on the news that relates, resist the urge. Interruptions can cause the person speaking to lose their train of thought. Besides, cutting people off and constantly interjecting is just plain rude. It tells the person speaking that what you have to say is more important than what they have to say.

3. Stop Fidgeting- Many people fiddle with their clothes, twirl their hair or slouch in their chair which shows boredom and disinterest  (whether they realize they're doing it or not) and can actually distract the person who is speaking, whether it is a formal or casual setting. Sometimes, what someone says may not be of interest to you, especially in a long lecture but just press through and know that it will be over soon. Try to sit up straight, avoid fidgeting and instead focus on the person speaking. Remember that what you have to say might not always be interesting to everyone around you, so be gracious.

4. Repeat Their Words- To show the person speaking that you are listening, repeat what they said or comment and say something short like, 'Wow, I had no idea that Bali, Indonesia had so many beautiful places to surf'. Be sure to keep it short though so you don't distract them or wind up taking over the conversation which can be easy to do.

5. Avoid Distractions- Whether you are meeting someone for business, joining some friends for coffee or spending time together with your spouse, the most important thing to do is eliminate distractions before they arise. If you go out to dinner to catch up, make sure your cell phone is off and that your kids are left with the sitter. Set yourself up to be a better listener that will not be distracted by other people, noises, phone calls, the TV, computer and the like.

None of us are without flaws and I can certainly attest to being a poor listener at times, especially when I have a lot on my 'to do' list. Everyday I strive to become a better one though, especially in my own home. It's easy to take someone close to you like a spouse for granted, especially when you may have heard the same story many times before and feel like you don't need to hear it one more time.

Is there anyone in your life whom you admire because they are such great listeners? Maybe you experience people who constantly interrupt you? Does their behavior inspire you to become a better listener?


Thanks for Reading!

XO



*image: (1)

Reader Request: Classy or Snooty?

 

Thank you to to all of those who keep sending me your reader request questions! If you haven't yet, you can find out more about it here on my previous reader request post. Our previous (and first) published reader request was titled 'bringing classy back'. Thanks to Kimberly for sending in her question.

Today's question is one that many of you may be able to relate to. Jacklyn writes in and asks this:

Hello,

I would like to know when a woman is conducting and displaying herself with Manners, Elegance and Class why she's labeled as being snooty?

Thank You,

Jacklyn M. of Ft. Lauderdale, FL

This is how I responded.....

Dear: Jacklyn,

Thank you for writing me, I'm happy to answer your question. I think this happens quite often actually. Many classy and elegant women exude a confidence and carry themselves in a way that other women simply cannot relate to. They are genuinely kind and aren't looking to 'impress' anyone or be someone who they are not. Instead, the outsiders see such a woman as trying to act better than others, aloof, or 'snooty' as you mentioned, simply because of their chosen attitude, actions, reactions and overall conduct.

Another common reason is because consciously or unconsciously, the person doing the accusing may in fact be envious. Being a classy woman takes work, effort, patience, grace and isn't without imperfections. Other women do realize it takes someone special to rise above the drama and nonsense in this world, stay focused and show one's best possible self with dignity, and often it is far easier for them to critique others than it is to change themselves.

For anyone that has been labeled 'snooty' my advice is to continue to do what you do best-rise above and continue to surround yourself with only people who love you, respect you, celebrate you and are positive influences in your life. You cannot change someone's opinion of you but you can lead by example by continuing to be gracious and warm. In this world we will never please everyone, so we can only be the best possible version of ourselves.  :)

Warmly,
Karla

Has anyone ever received this type of label simply by being your classy self? How did you feel or respond?

Thanks for reading!

XO

Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Have you ever wondered what etiquette calls for when it comes to tipping? There are so many types of services that require a tip, but today's focus is on dining out.

For many that have been servers at a previous time in life or even still are today, your opinion is probably pretty cut and dry on this matter. Several years ago I worked at an upscale steakhouse part time for a few months and got to learn the ropes of the restaurant business and also see how servers view restaurant diners'. I also got to see how servers were often treated by customers as well.

After that experience I have a whole new appreciation for servers and what their job entails. I was also on the receiving end of poor tipping even when I had gone above and beyond to provide the best possible service. This is a result of those that do not understand tipping etiquette. On the flip side, I can recall some pretty amazing tips too, but those were few and far between. Because of my experiences I personally err on the side of over-tipping vs. under-tipping. Having said that, if someone has done a very poor job and has been rude and unhelpful in solving a dining dilemma, that is also reflected in their tip.

Here are some helpful guidelines to follow so that you won't insult your server- or worse- embarrass a group of friends you may be dining with while splitting the bill.

Tipping Etiquette for Dining Out

1. Tipping is NOT optional. It is expected at restaurants as servers, chefs, bus boys, hostesses, etc., will all be receiving a small share of the server's tip. Servers earn most of their money via tips, not in wages. The hourly rate for servers is very low and is usually under minimum wage. This is a server's incentive to provide the best service possible. The bottom line here is, if you cannot afford to pay the tip after your meal, you should not be dining at that restaurant in the first place. Select a suitable establishment that is more in line with your budget. Many restaurants post their menus online, so it's easy to choose one that will be perfect for you.

2. Be Gracious with Gratuities-In North America, the tipping standard for a good restaurant is between 15-20% with 20% or more showing your gratitude for outstanding service and an overall wonderful dining experience. This amount is based on your meal's total before tax and any coupons or discounts are taken off. Other countries operate very differently and some view tipping as an insult. Before traveling abroad it is important to understand International Etiquette with a special focus on tipping practices.

3. Automatic Gratuities- If you are dining with a party of more than 8 people, you will probably be subject to an automatic gratuity of about 18%. Large parties require more assistance and typically dine longer in a restaurant. These gratuities are added to make the server's and restaurant's life much easier. Be sure not to tip on top of the automatic gratuity, which is easy to do if you are caught up in laughter, great conversation or have had a couple glasses of wine. High end restaurants often use the automatic gratuity method for all tables, so again be sure to check for that so you don't overtip. You will always be welcome to tip on top of the automatic gratuity should you so choose.

4. Handling Poor Service- If your server has been rude, unattentive or has made several errors with your order, you'll want to bring those matters to the attention of the restaurant manager. Many times they will be able to assist you or compensate you in ways that your server may not. If it is something like an undercooked steak, your server should be able to take care of this. This doesn't necessarily warrant a lesser tip. After all, the server cannot control how the chef has created your meal. Perhaps they are unattentive because the restaurant is unusually busy. Try to see it from their point of view. If there is no apology or attempt to make your dining experience enjoyable, you may then want to reflect that in the tip you leave.

If a manager has taken care of an issue with your meal and deducted it from your bill, be sure to tip on the total amount of what your meal was worth and not the lesser amount. Remember you are tipping on the service and experience and not the discounted total. The same goes for birthday cake that was provided 'on the house', etc.

5. From Lounge to Table- Perhaps you've started at the restaurant's lounge or bar area before heading to your table, be sure to leave the bartender a tip before leaving for your table. Many people want to have it added to their dining bill, but this gets sticky as the bartender usually gets left without their tip. A server may forget later to give the bartender a kickback and may not know how much to give them as this is your job as the dining patron.

If you're dining with a group and you don't want to be responsible for anyone underpaying or under-tipping, simply ask for a separate bill. Often times if a large group orders family style or shares appetizers you may wind up forking over a lot of money for a dish that you had a small taste of while others finished the whole plate.

A girlfriend of mine just recounted the most awkward scenario involving a group of close friends at a restaurant. It resulted in her spending a lot more money than she had intended all while she was trying to adhere to her tight budget.

For similar posts, type 'etiquette' in the search bar at the top of this page.

Have you been a server before? What are your tipping experiences or opinions?

Happy Dining!

Reader Request: Bringing Classy Back

As promised in Thursday's post, here is our first reader request, and it comes from Kimberly-thank you for your candid email!

Hello,

I love your Classy Woman blog. I just found it tonight through the "How to do Everything" website and I've been reading the website for hours already.

I believe in everything you wrote and want to find myself/reinvent myself again.

I was divorced 2 years ago and have really let me myself go, not really taking care of myself and just existing most days. But, your post sparked my interest and reminded me of the classy and elegant woman I used to be. I took out my Journal and began to write ways to find myself again.


Do you have any specific suggestions for me?


I've gained a tremendous amount of weight (for me) and I know this has to be dealt with first and foremost. Making time for myself and not saying yes to everyone else's requests is another biggie for me.


Thanks so much,

Kimberly

Here was my e-mail response to Kimberly and my suggestions are below.

Hi Kimberly,



Thank you so much for your e-mail. :) I'm so glad to hear that you've been enjoying my blog and that you found it!


I'm sorry to hear about the turn you took after the divorce. This is common for many women after such a transition, you are not alone. I even watched a similar type of shift occur after my mother and father divorced several years ago. It is truly a physically, mentally and emotionally draining time in one's life.


I am delighted to share some great ways for you to take charge of your life again and regain that powerful, classy and fabulous woman that you so dearly miss. Taking time for yourself is SO important and that is one areas that I'll be addressing in the post. When you are left with more responsibility, it is natural to take care of everyone else first but it is us women that suffer in the end. I used to be a Personal Trainer and managed a nutrition store several years ago and can provide some good information tips and fresh inspiration to help you lose the weight you've gained as well.


I will be posting a response to your 'reader request' tomorrow- Sunday, Dec. 20th. :) I'll email you once it's posted!



Have a blessed weekend.
 
Warmly,
Karla


One of the best ways to recover after an emotional event like a divorce is to take more "you" time. With children that may mean getting a babysitter for a few hours or asking a family member or friend if they'd mind watching them. The best thing is to schedule one weeknight or weekend time slot per week where you can get out and have coffee with your girlfriends, go to the gym, go see a movie or get a manicure. This time is important to release the stresses of your week and get connected with other women. It doesn't have to involve spending money, even taking a hot bath with specials oils, candles and soft music playing can be soothing and will calm your mind. Be sure to surround yourself with positive, uplifting, classy women.


The key is to use a dayplanner or calender to pen in these special days for yourself. Don't feel guilty that you are leaving your children for self-rejuvenation time. The truth is that you can't give what you don't have. If you're running on empty you won't be able to give others your best until your batteries are recharged.

Most women I know feel overwhelmed because they've said 'yes' and promised to do too many things for others, leaving no time for themselves. The best thing to answer in response to someone asking you to take on responsibility that you don't have time for or don't really want to do is to say with a smile, 'I'd love to but I just can't".  If they ask again in another way, just repeat the same phrase. If anyone continues to ask why you can't do it or why you won't they are simply being rude. No means no. Once you start saying 'no' instead of 'yes' you will feel freedom that you haven't felt in a while. You will have just opened up your schedule for a whole lot more 'you' and 'family' timend you'll feel a sense of control over you life that you probably haven't  felt in years.


If your budget allows, buy one new item for yourself each month. It doesn't have to be expensive but it does have to be something that will give you a lift. Maybe it's a new pair of shoes that go with much of your wardrobe and make you feel happy and sexy whenever you wear them. Perhaps it is a new shade of lipstick or a fun nailpolish to transform your toes. Whatever it is, it has to make you feel good about yourself.


Many women start to care less about their appearance and do not spend the same kind of time getting dressed for work or going out with friends. Often, older jeans and sweats become the norm and they forget what it's like to get dressed up or feel like a beautiful woman. While your goal might not be to attract a man or even look for someone at this moment, you'll feel more confident once you spend some time in this area.  Look at your closet wardrobe and separate it into two sections: one for work/nicer outfits and the other (hopefully smaller side) for relaxing in  your home and gym attire. Make a diligent effort to try to dress up even when going to purchase groceries for example. It may seem like extra work but you'll feel better about yourself. Women always stand taller and have their heads held high when dressed to make themselves feel beautiful vs. dressing to get the task done.


Love Yourself! We as women must speak nicely not only to others but most importantly to ourselves. What we tell ourselves everyday shapes how we see ourselves. Thoughts like 'I feel so fat today' or  'look at all these wrinkles!' only help to create a negative self image. We need to speak kind words to ourselves especially on those days when we feel anything but beautiful, and we all have those days. We need to love and be thankful for our health and what we do have.


Your Home- Make sure your home is also a true refuge, filled with things you love. When people reinvent themselves they often reinvent the space around them too. Sometimes a cluttered home, unhealthy fridge and pantry or jam-packed closets can be barriers to success. These areas often hold many people back but they don't realize it. It is very freeing to purge anything from your home that does not make you happy. The same is true for clothing. If you don't feel good about yourself in it, do not wear it and if it's fasionably outdated, pass it along by donating it so someone can get some use from it.


You had mentioned that you 'let yourself go' and this is common for many women dealing with such transition. Just like it's important to schedule fun time for yourself, you'll also want to schedule several weekly gym days or walking days. Start small and move up as your body gets used to the level you're at. I don't recommend overwhelming yourself with 2-hour workouts. Begin by walking in your neighborhood or on a treadmill. Day after day increase your distance or the intensity/speed. Once you feel comfortable with that you could move to resistance training by using some light free weights and increase the weight slowly over time. Anything that involves too much sacrifice, too much time or too little food will drain you of your energy and desire to lose weight. Take things slowly watching both your food intake AND how much exercise you are getting in each week.


I could write you a whole book on health but I will share with you the essentials:


1. Exercise a minimum of 30 mins 4-5 days per week.
2. Drink plenty of water (your weight divided by 14 is how many 8oz glasses you require)
3. Take a solid multivitamin
4. Eat as many veggies and as much fruit as you can
5. Focus on whole grains, eliminating white bread, pasta, rice.
6. Eliminate sweets/sugar-filled foods (they will zap you of your energy!)
7. Eat protein with each meal (cottage cheese, cheese, peanut butter, meats, fish, etc.) as they will keep you feeling full longer and help with your muscle development
8. Make sure you're getting enough fiber to keep things moving (about 30-35 grams per day)
9. Eliminate alcohol and caffeine as they really wreak havoc with your metabolism and your organs.
10. Eat whole, raw foods like veggies, fruits as often as you can and try to avoid chemicals and preservatives which can interfere with the liver's optimal functioning.


*Disclaimer* Note that it is important to consult your doctor when implementing a new weight loss, fitness or diet regimen.


Be sure to set some attainable and realistic goals for yourself. Remember, it took some time to put  the weight on and it will take some time to take it off.  Spend more time at a local YMCA or your own backyard with the kids playing outdoors and incorporating more activity into your life so it feels less like work and more like fun! Another  great way to make working out more fun is to join with a friend where you'll have an instant  accountability parter who you need to 'show up' for.


Here are some additional articles on health that I have written that I hope you'll find helpful:


Lose Weight with Negative Calorie Foods
Exercise and the Mind-Body connection
Lose Weight and Keep it off for a Lifetime!
Eat Healthy with 10 Simple Tips
Lose Weight, Feel Great
7 Healthy Food Substitutions


If you are feeling as though the emotional burdens of the divorce are weighing heavy on you and friends and family are not enough to talk to, do seek out someone who can help you work through this time in your life.


Additionally, my husband is an Author and Life Coach and has a great book available on Amazon that might be helpful for your healing process. It's called Breakthrough for a Broken Heart which is a must read for anyone that has gone though a divorce, break up or loss of someone special.


As you probably read in one of my posts, I have a book for Classy Women due out shortly and I will share the details at that time if you are interested in picking up a copy so you can bring classy back. :)


Kimberly, once again thank you for sharing your question. I hope you will find these suggestions and resources helpful and I believe that by sharing your comments and questions in your reader request that both your words and this post will postively impact the lives of other women at a similar place in life. Please feel free to send me an e-mail and update me/us on your success.


Be Blessed,

I FINALLY Won a Blog Giveaway!

Are you the type of person who ALWAYS wins? Whether it be scratch tickets, radio contests, giveaways or draws, you just seem to win them all? Or are you more like me who rarely wins but when you do you get SUPER excited? I wanted to share my excitement with you and give you hope that after multiple entries, if you keep entering blog giveaways long enough you'll eventually win. ;)

What has caused my excitement you ask? Well, I happened to wander on over to visit Ashley over at the Domestic Fasionista to peruse her wonderful Christmas posts. I read her post on being 'Blessed by a Frugal Christmas' and loved all the great, inexpensive ideas where the focus is on using what you have to decorate for Christmas, something that I firmly believe in.

At the end of her post, she had a fun giveaway for this Gooseberry Patch Christmas Book:

Image Source

I left a comment with a few frugal Christmas decorating ideas and I won this amazing book! Thanks Ashley! It arrived a couple days ago and I really enjoyed flipping through it to uncover some amazing recipes and some fun crafty ideas too!

Here's a sneak peak at one fo the recipes that I plan on making from this book. Do these look delicious, or what?! It seems easy enough to make and would be a yummy Christmas Day treat to munch on, or a sweet gift!

Sorry for the blurry pic, I snapped a pic from the book.

TOFFEE

1 cup chopped walnuts
1/2 cup butter
3/4 brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Butter an 8"x8" baking pan; spread walnuts on the bottom. In a saucepan, heat butter and sugar; bring to a boil stirring constantly. Cook until mixture darkens, about 7 mins; immediately pour over walnuts. Sprinkle chocolate chips over the top; cover with a baking sheet to hold in heat until chocolate begins to melt. Spread chocolate over top. Regrigerate; break into pieces when cool. Makes about one pound

Recipe provided in the book by Wendy Lee Paffenroth. Pine Island, NY

At the time I had read Ashley's post, I had also been meaning to write a post of my own on our frugal Christmas, so here is my previous post titled 'A Humble and Merry Christmas'.

Speaking of blog Giveaways, stay tuned as Classy & Fabulous has some new sponsors and we're working together to provide you some fun giveaways in the New Year! I'm looking forward to seeing many of you become blog giveaway winners yourselves this year!

Be sure to 'follow' this blog so you'll be eligible for the goodies and we'd love it if you'd tell a friend. ;)

Have a wonderful weekend!

Reader Requests

After almost a year of blogging about the ins and outs of being a Classy and Fabulous woman, I'm creating an open forum where you will be able to email me your post requests and questions and I will answer them specifically in the form of an upcoming blog post so other women can benefit as well. If you want your question(s) to remain private, just mention that in your message or subject header and I will be happy to respond to you only and will not publish your question. If you've wondered about how to dress classy for an upcoming date or what the etiquette is for a particular occassion, or even how I snag such great deals, I'm here to answer them all. :)


Simply look to the left hand side of this blog page and scroll down until you see the large cream-colored envelope. Click on it and then type and send your message along with a subject header named 'Reader Request'.


I want this blog to be an open community of women to grow, learn from one another and feel comfortable. So, with that said I'll be starting the 'Reader Requests' this month. You can always chime in too and leave your opinion and feedback in the comments' section. The amount of reader requests will be determined by how often you email me. As a matter of fact, I have received my first few requests recently and wanted to share them with you. Stay tuned for those upcoming posts!


I look forward to reading your emails soon!

Warmly,

Manners Monday: Cell Phone Etiquette

Do you have friends, colleagues or family members that are rude when it comes to using their cell phones? We would all like to think after years of having the cell phone in existence that most would know how to mind their mobile phone manners but it is actually becoming more of a problem.

As cell phones have become more sophisticated and user-friendly so have their usage and their acceptability in many public places. It's not uncommon to see people typing on their blackberry during their child's Christmas pageant, or chatting away while they're at the bank teller window. While cell phones by nature were meant to be used for safety and convenience, the way they are used can be down right disrespectful.

After working part time at a local Target store for the Christmas season and being at the checkout lanes the odd time (that was not my regular role), I've got to witness all sorts of interesting things. One particularly ignorant woman was talking on her cell the whole time and gossiping about a friend to what sounded like another friend. She was bad talking someone and being rude to me, she wouldn't even look up in my direction to say hello or say thank you when I handed her change to her. On the contrary I had another lady who apologized profusely after getting off of her cell since she was speaking to an ill friend who wouldn't let her off the phone. She told me she thinks it's SO rude when people do that and she really didn't want to do that to me. I could hear her conversation and assured her it was not a problem. She was so sincere and sweet and clearly understood cell phone etiquette.

After September's blog poll vote on your favorite blog topics, it's clear that 82% of you want to know more about etiquette and manners, so here is another of many more posts to come.

Below is a list of quick tips on how to be courteous around others while on your phone.


Cell Phone Etiquette Reminders

1. While Visiting- If you're out for dinner with a friend, that is not the time to leave your cell on and start replying to text messages or taking calls, unless it is for an emergency. Perhaps you're a mom and you have a new babysitter, you might want to leave it on vibrate just in case. For regular calls, it is best to leave your phone off so you can fully enjoy the other person's company. Taking the call tells your friend that the text messages and calls are more important that what you are doing together at the moment.

I have a friend that is notorious for texting and taking calls while we go to dinner or are out and about. I love her to pieces but that is one thing I wish she wouldn't do, especially when our time together can be limited with us both being so busy.

2. The Noise Factor- Why is it that the same people who have the most obnoxious ring tones are also the same people who have their volume raised to the max? Keep ringing volumes to a moderate level or turn them to vibrate. When in a public place; especially one that demands quiet such as a library, doctor's office (where they are often not allowed at all) and the movies, keep them on vibrate if you must have them on at all. It's kind of like smoking, you might be enjoying it, but nobody else wants to be subjected to it. Other important places to turn your phone off are restaurants, church, special performances and the gym. Really-how focused can you be on your workout with a cell phone in one hand?

3. Safety Hazard- We've all heard about how dangerous it can be to drive while dialing or texting on mobile phones, but the truth is I don't think we really think hard about it until we're almost driven off the road by a distracted driver or know someone who has been. Three times now this year alone I have almost been hit or driven off the road by someone on their cell phone. It's so unnecessary and the important thing to ask yourself is: " Is my phone call worth killing someone or totaling my car?" I'm certain everyone would answer no, but we still have so many on the road who do. There is nothing that can't wait until you are off the roads. Kudos to the state of California and the province of Ontario (where I grew up) in Canada who both have banned cell phone usage while driving.

4. Loud Talkers- Whether people do it to get attention from others or they are just really THAT loud, we'll never know but whatever the reason, it is rude to talk excessively loud, especially while on a cell phone in public. It's hard enough to concentrate and think most days with the amount of distractions around us. If it's not flashing billboards, then it's the radio or the store's background music. I am a bold person and while I always strive to be as courteous, polite and well mannered as possible to everyone, there are times when a 'Shhhhhh' has come out of my mouth in the library or another quiet place, and others surrounding me have smiled, sighed with relief and acknowledged what they didn't feel comfortable to do themselves. Sometimes people are just plain rude and if we don't stop them in their tracks, their poor manners will continue.

5. Inappropriate Public Conversations- I am always amazed at what people will talk about on their cell phones. Topics that you'd make sure nobody was around to hear at home or in the office are suddenly acceptable in public. Who knew? I can assure you that passers-by don't want to hear the dirty details of your nasty divorce and see you cry, how wasted you were the night before, who you hooked up with on the weekend or all the latest details of how broke you are and why you hate your job so much. If a topic comes up while you are not in a private place to discuss it, ask the person if you can continue the conversation later.

6. Ignoring While Ordering- I'm sure you've seen the many people in lines at stores, fast food drive thrus, line ups and the like on their cell phones, they're usually breaking one of the above rules along with just being plain irritating and rude to the person taking their order. As I described about the Target customer above, this is becoming so much of an issue that stores and fast food places are now starting to place signs up like the one at the top of this post. You can see a McDonald's location decided to take action. Good for them!

What is the worst scenario you've encountered with a rude person on a cell phone?

Holiday Party Dress Inspiration

Are you searching for the perfect holiday or party dress to wear this season? Here are a few trendy, sexy and classic dresses to inspire you- the classy woman! These are all from the Victoria's Secret website and if you order now they'll be at your doorstep in a matter of days just in time for your holiday event! Most of the dresses are suited to formal events but I've thrown in a couple for more casual affairs or in-home parties too.

(*I am in no way compensated for sharing these dresses or making any statements regarding Victoria's Secrets products. This post is based on my opinion and preferences.)

ALL DRESSES UNDER $129

Ruched Jersey Dress- $78

Ruched Convertible Dress- Sale $79

Lace Boatneck Dress- Sale $129

Ruffled V-Neck Sweaterdress- Clearance $24.99

One Shoulder Dress- $78

Lace Halter Dress- Sale $129

Flirty Little Sweetheart Neck Dress- Sale $79

Matte Jersey One-Shoulder Dress- Sale $69

Cotton Rib Turtleneck Sweaterdress- Sale $39

Flirty Little Dropwaist Dress- Sale $59

There were so many to choose from so I hand selected ten that are a little sexy and show off a bit of skin but in all the right places of course- a peek of the back, a shoulder revealed, but always tasteful and timeless too so you could wear these for several more years to come.

Happy Browsing!

The Etiquette of Regifting

What percentage of people do you believe re-gift? You might be surprised to know that a recent study revealed that 67% of all people have re-gifted at some point in their life. Another interesting fact is that the most popular way to re-gift is to pass along the items to co-workers at Christmas time. About 40% do just that!

At one point, re-gifting was considered to be a huge faux pas and done in poor taste. Today, however, it has become widely acceptable in our modern society. Blame it on the economy or the green movement, but people are determined to save their hard-earned money and keep items out of the landfills too. It's a nice way to make use of unwanted gifts that are perfect for someone else you may know that would appreciate or enjoy it more. Sometimes a return is impolite or just not possible and this is a suitable alternative. I do realize this option isn't for everyone and many are uncomfortable with the idea f re-gifting for various reasons.

If you do plan on re-gifting this year, here are some guidelines:

1. Keep a Log Book- To avoid uncomfortable situations, if you tend to put items aside to give to others, be sure to keep a small log book to note who gave you what so you don't give the same gift back to the person who gifted it to you to begin with. That would be incredibly embarrassing. This also allows you to think of your circle of family and friends so you can ensure that nobody close to the gift recipient may recognize it. If you are not 100% sure of who gave you the gift, do not regift that particular item.

2. New Items Only-Under no circumstances should you ever give a gift that was used or opened. All items need to be new, in immaculate condition and in their original packaging also. You wouldn't want to receive a used present or a gift in banged up packaging, and neither will your recipient. Be sure to keep all 'regift' items in a special closet or bin and ensure everything is kept clean and free from dust also. If you are giving a book of any kind or jewelry, make absolutely sure it was never inscribed. That would be awkward for both you and the recipient.

3. Shop Mindfully-You should use the same selection process when shopping through your own gift closet as you would if you were in a store. Be sure that the gifts you choose for your recipient show thoughtfulness and are geared especially to their hobbies, interests or preferences. For example if your friend dislikes the color green and you give her a green scarf, that won't be well received. Don't give a gift for the sake of de-cluttering your guest bedroom closet. The gift must be useful for the person who will receive it.

4. Be Honest- If the recipient asks you point blank if it was a re-gift, don't lie. Let them know that it was hand selected for them because you knew they'd like it for "x" reasons. Know that 99.9% of the time nobody will ask you this question, as asking the very question is a bit rude and distasteful.

5. Make it Special- Wrap it up in some pretty paper or a gift bag also in pristine condition (it is never okay to give any gift-purchased or re-gifted in a crushed or used looking gift bag). Be sure to check the tags on the gift bag too to make sure it doesn't contain old names on the "to" and "from" areas. You'll want to write a card to go along with your gift where you can perhaps write a brief line or two about why you chose such a gift for your friend or family member.

6. Inappropriate Gifts- You might have a closet full of re-gift items just waiting to be unloaded but you are far better off to show up empty handed and send an appropriate gift later then to just bring any old thing along for the sake of showing up with a gift. Put yourself in the recipient's shoes. How would you want to be treated? 

7. Have Fun- Enjoy preparing such a gift as much as you would heading to the mall and shopping for hours. Be confident in your decision to re-gift and don't let other people's opinions on the subject make you feel bad. If you truly believe the gift comes from your heart and you are perhaps a little low on cash, do what makes you happy. Remember, the new modern manners and etiquette of today do not turn up their nose on this subject just so long as it is done tastefully and discreetly.

8. What NOT To Re-gift- You're probably wondering if there are any exceptions to the re-gifting rules. There are several types of items that you shouldn't re-gift. Many items have a shelf life such as lotions, perfumes, and other bath products. If they have turned color or the consistency has changed they are not only unsuitable for giving but they need to go into the trash.This is where using a log book comes in handy because you can add the received date for the gift. Likewise family heirlooms, expensive jewelry, travel souvenirs, items with corporate logos or any type of outdated or unusual DVD's, CD's or books. Never regift an item that someone has handmade and taken great care to give to you.

While re-gifting is popular during the holiday season, you can also do the same for other occasions like birthdays or baby showers where you may have been given a duplicate item that never got opened or used. As long as you follow the guidelines above, your gift recipient should be just as thrilled to open your gift as they would one from someone else and you keep money in your pocket and find a home for a useful item that simply didn't work out for you.

So you must be wondering by now if I re-gift, given that I've just dedicated a whole blog post to the subject. The truth is that I sometimes do. I don't go out of my way to make everyone's Christmas gifts re-gifts, obviously that would be ridiculous. I do however from time-to-time receive gifts from well meaning family, friends or acquaintances that just aren't my personal preference. They are items I'll never use that would otherwise sit on a shelf and eventually wind up in the trash (if it was perishible) or donated to a charitable organization. I do donate items when I don't feel they might be appropriate for anyone I know. The majority of the time I use my lower value re-gifts for white elephant exchanges where it is generally very acceptable and the whole point of the event is for fun, often the very enjoyment comes from gag type gifts or themed gifts. Now there are actual re-gifting parties where people bring their unwanted items to swap for something they will in fact like and use.

Beyond the monetary aspect, in general I just believe people have too much stuff. There is a whole lot of excessive manufacturing taking place to produce new items which pollute our planet, which is completely unnecessary.

What are your thoughts on re-gifting? Are there particular items you feel should never be passed along?

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XO

What Are You THANKFUL For Today?

With all of the grocery shopping, fall decorating and preparations before Thanksgiving Day, with just one week to go I thought it was only appropriate to focus on the most important part of this holiday- being thankful.

It's so easy to get caught up in feeling as though you don't have enough, or won't have enough for the holiday season. The constant news updates on of the state of the economy alone could put anyone into a state of depression. However, it's important to dig deep and remember all that we have been given, all of the skills that we have to offer, our families and dearest friends, our freedom, and all of the things that we do not suffer from in terms of our health.

Nature always connects me to what's most important. This morning I went for a 30 minute walk to stretch, take in some fresh air and start my day. I came across some beautiful monarch butterflies hovering over some wildflowers, fluttering about and I was reminded of the amazing power of transformation that we each have within ourselves. Butterflies are such beautiful creatures that always bring a smile to my face. I found myself stopping to just watch them in their natural environment without a care in the world, doing what butterflies do. Later on during my walk I saw some baby birds up high in a nest chirping and learning to fly. At the end of my driveway I'm lucky enough to have a very old and large oak tree that is home to mainy squirrels and birds, in particular -bluejays. Some days I only need to look out my window and see the little lizards scurrying about on our front porch and it brings me to a simple, peaceful place.

TODAY I am most thankful for:

1. My Husband- I am also grateful for all of my family and friends but today I am most grateful for my hubby. No matter what life throws at us, we are a true team who celebrate when the day calls for it and love and support each other through life's toughest challenges. This year there have been several and it makes me realize how loving and committed he is to our marriage.

2. My Home-There have been some highs and lows with my hubby and I both being entrepreneurs and running our own businesses. It has required a LOT of faith some months, but we are always provided for and we always have a roof over our head.

3. My Car- it always starts when I turn the key in the ignition, it has never left me stranded and it's comfortable and clean to boot!

4.. Free Veggies- My husband was visiting some friends the other day and they happened to provide him with a bag of veggies and fruit from their garden as they had many extras, which was a wonderful blessing.

5. My Health-Perhaps one of the greatest gifts, I am most grateful for my health. I am happy to have so many natural options around me and access to wonderful supplements and nutritious foods as well as medical  care when needed. Not all countries have the unlimited options and supplies that we have.

6. Gorgeous Weather- This is the time of  year that Floridians long for. The warm, breezy days filled with sunshine mixed with the cool, crisp evening walks. I have always loved autumn in any place I've lived but am perhaps most grateful and thankful for it in FL after a very long, hot, sticky summer.

7. God- My continual source of strength, faith, hope, love, joy, peace, mercy, grace, contentment, provision and finances. Of my list today, I am most thankful for my relationship with God, the one who never lets me down. In my books He is above all things.

What are you most thankful for TODAY? Share it with us!

How to Be the Perfect House Guest

Have you ever had family or friends stay with you that were so irritating you wished you could just tell them how you felt or wished they would go home? Perhaps you were that house guest at some point without even realizing it. Staying in another person's home is not always the most comfortable or enjoyable experience at times, even if you're staying with those that you know well.  If you're new to staying in another person's home you might be left wondering what your role is.

In last week's post, we looked at etiquette for hosting house guests, just in time for the holiday season.

Below are some tips on how to be the kind of house guest that your host will truly be sad to see go.

House Guest Etiquette

1. Write a List- While a friend or family member probably wouldn't mind sharing a hair dryer with you or letting you borrow their tube of toothpaste, this could become annoying over the course of a week to share various items. The best bet is to make a list several days before you pack your bag(s) adding new items as you remember them and cross off each item as you put it into your bags. This way you'll avoid having to run to a local store to pick up toiletries or constantly asking your friend to use their floss, etc. For larger items like hairdryers, if you'd don't have a tiny travel version you might want to ask our host about that beforehand. They may have an extra or tell you not to worry.

2. Be Thoughtul- Just as I shared in the hosts' etiquette tips, you might want to do something special or thoughtful to let your host know you appreciate them having you in their home. It may be a bottle of wine, a thoughtful card or handmade gift or it may be a dinner out on the town, add that to your list and do forget to bring that item along if it needs to be packed. While hosts don't generally expect anything in return, they do go to a lot of effort cleaning and preparing their home and a room for their guests and it's nice to feel appreciated. One area to be mindful of is when booking your flight/train ride or arrival that you try as best as you can to make it during the hours of 8am-10pm. Arriving at midnight, especially during a weeknight can be exhausting if your host has to pick you up.

3. Don't Do Anything You Wouldn't Do in Your Home- This probably sounds obvious but say for example you need to take off your mascara and you're provided with a lovely white washcloth. You probably wouldn't use that in your own home for fear of staining the cloth. Ask you friend for a darker cloth or be sure to wash it off really well before using the white towels. One exception is putting your feet up in someone's home, especially on a coffee table is a no-no. No matter if you do it in your home or not, it's not respectful. Be sure to ask your host about wearing shoes in the house and what their policy is. Don't smoke on their property without asking where it is acceptable to do so.

4. Clean Up- Regardless of how neat you like to keep your home, it is important and will show respect if you make it a habit to tidy up after yourself whether it be making your bed in the morning, hanging your towel up after a shower and putting away your toiletries or putting away item used in the kitchen. The last thing you want to do is make extra, unnecessary work for your host. in fact, if you have a little time your host would be overjoyed if you did the few dished in the sink, loaded the dishwasher or tidied up the shoe area in the front hall. Anything you can do to show you care and can make their life easier will mean more to them then you know. If you happen to break, spill or ruin something, make sure you get to it right away and let your host know. It's never a good idea to try to cover up something that's been damaged.

5. Do it for Yourself- If there is anything that you can do for yourself such as make you own breakfast, make coffee for everyone in the morning or do your own laundry, do it. You don't want to overwhelm your host with trivialities. If your host has not given you free reign and declared 'mi casa es su casa' then ask politely if you can make coffee for everyone vs. taking initiative. If your host hasn't told you to make yourself comfortable and grab what you need, they may have forgotten or may have a preference for who does what in their home. If you see them preparing dinner though, jump in and help them. If you ask them if they need help, they'll likely say "no".

6. Keep Comments to Yourself- You may be staying with a couple, your parents or complete strangers. Whatever the situation, it's always a good idea to try to mind your own business. If there is a marital tiff or a couple asks you for your opinion in a joking way, let them know you don't want to get into the middle. If you disagree with the way your sister parents her children, or perhaps there is a funky smell coming from the fridge or you don't like what is being served for dinner, do not comment. Just remember that while you may do things differently, you're only a guest for a few days and then you can home and do things as you wish.

7. Departure- While wine is a gift best given the first day of your trip upon arrival, a card along with something you've brought from home or a beautiful bouquet of flowers you picked up locally would be a wonderful way to thank your host and give them something goregous to remember your visit by. If your host played 'tour guide' to you in their home town, or you spent your days sightseeing together, you might even want to put together a cute and inexpensive little photo book and mail it to them afterwards. You can always email them your best digital photos, just be sure to include some of you together. If you were having so much fun that you forgot to even leave a card, be sure to mail one out as soon as you get back home.

Click HERE for some great hostess gift ideas for a dinner party or your next in-home stay so you can be a grateful guest.

Have your house guest experiences been good? What things did your guests do to either really suprise you, annoy you or elate you? Leave a comment!

Thanks for reading!

XO