Restaurant Tipping Etiquette

Have you ever wondered what etiquette calls for when it comes to tipping? There are so many types of services that require a tip, but today's focus is on dining out.

For many that have been servers at a previous time in life or even still are today, your opinion is probably pretty cut and dry on this matter. Several years ago I worked at an upscale steakhouse part time for a few months and got to learn the ropes of the restaurant business and also see how servers view restaurant diners'. I also got to see how servers were often treated by customers as well.

After that experience I have a whole new appreciation for servers and what their job entails. I was also on the receiving end of poor tipping even when I had gone above and beyond to provide the best possible service. This is a result of those that do not understand tipping etiquette. On the flip side, I can recall some pretty amazing tips too, but those were few and far between. Because of my experiences I personally err on the side of over-tipping vs. under-tipping. Having said that, if someone has done a very poor job and has been rude and unhelpful in solving a dining dilemma, that is also reflected in their tip.

Here are some helpful guidelines to follow so that you won't insult your server- or worse- embarrass a group of friends you may be dining with while splitting the bill.

Tipping Etiquette for Dining Out

1. Tipping is NOT optional. It is expected at restaurants as servers, chefs, bus boys, hostesses, etc., will all be receiving a small share of the server's tip. Servers earn most of their money via tips, not in wages. The hourly rate for servers is very low and is usually under minimum wage. This is a server's incentive to provide the best service possible. The bottom line here is, if you cannot afford to pay the tip after your meal, you should not be dining at that restaurant in the first place. Select a suitable establishment that is more in line with your budget. Many restaurants post their menus online, so it's easy to choose one that will be perfect for you.

2. Be Gracious with Gratuities-In North America, the tipping standard for a good restaurant is between 15-20% with 20% or more showing your gratitude for outstanding service and an overall wonderful dining experience. This amount is based on your meal's total before tax and any coupons or discounts are taken off. Other countries operate very differently and some view tipping as an insult. Before traveling abroad it is important to understand International Etiquette with a special focus on tipping practices.

3. Automatic Gratuities- If you are dining with a party of more than 8 people, you will probably be subject to an automatic gratuity of about 18%. Large parties require more assistance and typically dine longer in a restaurant. These gratuities are added to make the server's and restaurant's life much easier. Be sure not to tip on top of the automatic gratuity, which is easy to do if you are caught up in laughter, great conversation or have had a couple glasses of wine. High end restaurants often use the automatic gratuity method for all tables, so again be sure to check for that so you don't overtip. You will always be welcome to tip on top of the automatic gratuity should you so choose.

4. Handling Poor Service- If your server has been rude, unattentive or has made several errors with your order, you'll want to bring those matters to the attention of the restaurant manager. Many times they will be able to assist you or compensate you in ways that your server may not. If it is something like an undercooked steak, your server should be able to take care of this. This doesn't necessarily warrant a lesser tip. After all, the server cannot control how the chef has created your meal. Perhaps they are unattentive because the restaurant is unusually busy. Try to see it from their point of view. If there is no apology or attempt to make your dining experience enjoyable, you may then want to reflect that in the tip you leave.

If a manager has taken care of an issue with your meal and deducted it from your bill, be sure to tip on the total amount of what your meal was worth and not the lesser amount. Remember you are tipping on the service and experience and not the discounted total. The same goes for birthday cake that was provided 'on the house', etc.

5. From Lounge to Table- Perhaps you've started at the restaurant's lounge or bar area before heading to your table, be sure to leave the bartender a tip before leaving for your table. Many people want to have it added to their dining bill, but this gets sticky as the bartender usually gets left without their tip. A server may forget later to give the bartender a kickback and may not know how much to give them as this is your job as the dining patron.

If you're dining with a group and you don't want to be responsible for anyone underpaying or under-tipping, simply ask for a separate bill. Often times if a large group orders family style or shares appetizers you may wind up forking over a lot of money for a dish that you had a small taste of while others finished the whole plate.

A girlfriend of mine just recounted the most awkward scenario involving a group of close friends at a restaurant. It resulted in her spending a lot more money than she had intended all while she was trying to adhere to her tight budget.

For similar posts, type 'etiquette' in the search bar at the top of this page.

Have you been a server before? What are your tipping experiences or opinions?

Happy Dining!

How to Save Money while Dining Out

Dining out can be expensive. Some spend hundreds, if not thousands per year on meals alone! Here’s how to enjoy dining in Restaurants without going broke.

1. Look Before you Tip! Automatic gratuity is common at many restaurants, especially for larger groups or parties. Don’t shortchange yourself by double tipping! Always look to see if a tip has been added before adding it in.

2. Coupons are your Friend-Use them whenever possible. You can usually find them online saving up to 50% of your bill, or in other places like the Entertainment book, newspaper coupons etc. Some people feel silly pulling them out or even cheap, but in today’s economy I assure you nobody will look down on you for wanting to save a little money.


3. Go Family Style-Sharing dishes is not only a tradition in many countries, but with larger portions, it is the perfect way to share with friend(s) or family. This way you get to try a little bit of everything and discover your favorite dishes, without the price to match.

4. Share Dessert! Sometimes you want something a little sweet to cleanse the palate after your dinner but aren’t sure you want to drop $6 on one. Sharing a dessert amongst 2-4 people will not only save you money, but the extra calories too! It’s a great way to enjoy the finer things without feeling guilty afterwards.

5. Insist on a Separate Bill- Many people enjoy eating in large groups but when the bill comes a few people always wind up putting in a little more for those that didn’t put in enough, to ensure the bill is paid with a suitable tip. An easy way to avoid overpaying it to request your own bill. You can also control the tip based on your specific experience.


6. Avoid the Alcohol! There is no faster way to drive up the check than to order alcohol. Sure it’s social but why not have a drink before heading out of the house. Instead, drink water with lemon a refillable drink like iced tea or coffee. You will notice a dramatic reduction in your restaurant bills if you change this ONE thing!

7. Save Room for your Entrée-Skip appetizers when you can, or share one or two with another person/couple to try out different items. Most people’s eyes are bigger than their stomach, so to speak. They feel so hungry when they order that they order too much and often feel stuffed by the second bite of their entrée. However, if you order an entrée only and are still hungry afterwards, then order more food at that point. If you absolutely must, share an appetizer, is just as fulfilling.


8. Extra Sauce is Extra Cost! With the increase in grocery items these days, so too comes the increase for restaurants, and believe me, they WILL pass that cost onto you when it comes to the little extras. If you want extra sauce or dressing, many eateries are adding those costs onto your bill, the $2 and $3 here and there starts to add up.
9. Share your Celebration- Tell your server what you’re celebrating. Many servers will even ask you if you’re celebrating a special evening etc. Often, especially for birthdays, you might snag a free dessert, a discount etc. It’s worth it and it doesn’t cost you a thing.

10. Speak Up- Places like Starbucks are notorious for letting their customer switch up their drink if they don’t like it. Well, the same holds true for restaurants. Let your server know that you are dissatisfied and why. If they don’t offer it up, tell them you’d like to return it to the kitchen but would instead like to have the “x” dish. There is no sense paying for a meal that you don’t enjoy. If it’s just a matter of food being overly well done etc, they will in some cases comp it on your bill or at least provide a discount all while replacing it with a new meal.

11. Save money by always bringing your leftovers home. You may not want to think of another bite while you’re at the restaurant but leftovers can turn into a snack or tomorrow’s lunch. So, why not save on your grocery cost by bringing home whatever there is left over, no matter how small the portion may seem. After all, you did pay for it!

12. Happy Hour! Many restaurants offer happy hour, and we're not just talking greasy wings at the bar kind of happy hour. Many sushi and other restaurants offer certain times and weekdays (usually between 4-7pm) where a variety of meals are offered at discounted rates or even half price! Use this to your advantage and head to a restaurant after work to catch these great deals. Also note that lunch is always cheaper than dinner!