Manners Monday: Cell Phone Etiquette

Do you have friends, colleagues or family members that are rude when it comes to using their cell phones? We would all like to think after years of having the cell phone in existence that most would know how to mind their mobile phone manners but it is actually becoming more of a problem.

As cell phones have become more sophisticated and user-friendly so have their usage and their acceptability in many public places. It's not uncommon to see people typing on their blackberry during their child's Christmas pageant, or chatting away while they're at the bank teller window. While cell phones by nature were meant to be used for safety and convenience, the way they are used can be down right disrespectful.

After working part time at a local Target store for the Christmas season and being at the checkout lanes the odd time (that was not my regular role), I've got to witness all sorts of interesting things. One particularly ignorant woman was talking on her cell the whole time and gossiping about a friend to what sounded like another friend. She was bad talking someone and being rude to me, she wouldn't even look up in my direction to say hello or say thank you when I handed her change to her. On the contrary I had another lady who apologized profusely after getting off of her cell since she was speaking to an ill friend who wouldn't let her off the phone. She told me she thinks it's SO rude when people do that and she really didn't want to do that to me. I could hear her conversation and assured her it was not a problem. She was so sincere and sweet and clearly understood cell phone etiquette.

After September's blog poll vote on your favorite blog topics, it's clear that 82% of you want to know more about etiquette and manners, so here is another of many more posts to come.

Below is a list of quick tips on how to be courteous around others while on your phone.


Cell Phone Etiquette Reminders

1. While Visiting- If you're out for dinner with a friend, that is not the time to leave your cell on and start replying to text messages or taking calls, unless it is for an emergency. Perhaps you're a mom and you have a new babysitter, you might want to leave it on vibrate just in case. For regular calls, it is best to leave your phone off so you can fully enjoy the other person's company. Taking the call tells your friend that the text messages and calls are more important that what you are doing together at the moment.

I have a friend that is notorious for texting and taking calls while we go to dinner or are out and about. I love her to pieces but that is one thing I wish she wouldn't do, especially when our time together can be limited with us both being so busy.

2. The Noise Factor- Why is it that the same people who have the most obnoxious ring tones are also the same people who have their volume raised to the max? Keep ringing volumes to a moderate level or turn them to vibrate. When in a public place; especially one that demands quiet such as a library, doctor's office (where they are often not allowed at all) and the movies, keep them on vibrate if you must have them on at all. It's kind of like smoking, you might be enjoying it, but nobody else wants to be subjected to it. Other important places to turn your phone off are restaurants, church, special performances and the gym. Really-how focused can you be on your workout with a cell phone in one hand?

3. Safety Hazard- We've all heard about how dangerous it can be to drive while dialing or texting on mobile phones, but the truth is I don't think we really think hard about it until we're almost driven off the road by a distracted driver or know someone who has been. Three times now this year alone I have almost been hit or driven off the road by someone on their cell phone. It's so unnecessary and the important thing to ask yourself is: " Is my phone call worth killing someone or totaling my car?" I'm certain everyone would answer no, but we still have so many on the road who do. There is nothing that can't wait until you are off the roads. Kudos to the state of California and the province of Ontario (where I grew up) in Canada who both have banned cell phone usage while driving.

4. Loud Talkers- Whether people do it to get attention from others or they are just really THAT loud, we'll never know but whatever the reason, it is rude to talk excessively loud, especially while on a cell phone in public. It's hard enough to concentrate and think most days with the amount of distractions around us. If it's not flashing billboards, then it's the radio or the store's background music. I am a bold person and while I always strive to be as courteous, polite and well mannered as possible to everyone, there are times when a 'Shhhhhh' has come out of my mouth in the library or another quiet place, and others surrounding me have smiled, sighed with relief and acknowledged what they didn't feel comfortable to do themselves. Sometimes people are just plain rude and if we don't stop them in their tracks, their poor manners will continue.

5. Inappropriate Public Conversations- I am always amazed at what people will talk about on their cell phones. Topics that you'd make sure nobody was around to hear at home or in the office are suddenly acceptable in public. Who knew? I can assure you that passers-by don't want to hear the dirty details of your nasty divorce and see you cry, how wasted you were the night before, who you hooked up with on the weekend or all the latest details of how broke you are and why you hate your job so much. If a topic comes up while you are not in a private place to discuss it, ask the person if you can continue the conversation later.

6. Ignoring While Ordering- I'm sure you've seen the many people in lines at stores, fast food drive thrus, line ups and the like on their cell phones, they're usually breaking one of the above rules along with just being plain irritating and rude to the person taking their order. As I described about the Target customer above, this is becoming so much of an issue that stores and fast food places are now starting to place signs up like the one at the top of this post. You can see a McDonald's location decided to take action. Good for them!

What is the worst scenario you've encountered with a rude person on a cell phone?

How to Be the Perfect House Guest

Have you ever had family or friends stay with you that were so irritating you wished you could just tell them how you felt or wished they would go home? Perhaps you were that house guest at some point without even realizing it. Staying in another person's home is not always the most comfortable or enjoyable experience at times, even if you're staying with those that you know well.  If you're new to staying in another person's home you might be left wondering what your role is.

In last week's post, we looked at etiquette for hosting house guests, just in time for the holiday season.

Below are some tips on how to be the kind of house guest that your host will truly be sad to see go.

House Guest Etiquette

1. Write a List- While a friend or family member probably wouldn't mind sharing a hair dryer with you or letting you borrow their tube of toothpaste, this could become annoying over the course of a week to share various items. The best bet is to make a list several days before you pack your bag(s) adding new items as you remember them and cross off each item as you put it into your bags. This way you'll avoid having to run to a local store to pick up toiletries or constantly asking your friend to use their floss, etc. For larger items like hairdryers, if you'd don't have a tiny travel version you might want to ask our host about that beforehand. They may have an extra or tell you not to worry.

2. Be Thoughtul- Just as I shared in the hosts' etiquette tips, you might want to do something special or thoughtful to let your host know you appreciate them having you in their home. It may be a bottle of wine, a thoughtful card or handmade gift or it may be a dinner out on the town, add that to your list and do forget to bring that item along if it needs to be packed. While hosts don't generally expect anything in return, they do go to a lot of effort cleaning and preparing their home and a room for their guests and it's nice to feel appreciated. One area to be mindful of is when booking your flight/train ride or arrival that you try as best as you can to make it during the hours of 8am-10pm. Arriving at midnight, especially during a weeknight can be exhausting if your host has to pick you up.

3. Don't Do Anything You Wouldn't Do in Your Home- This probably sounds obvious but say for example you need to take off your mascara and you're provided with a lovely white washcloth. You probably wouldn't use that in your own home for fear of staining the cloth. Ask you friend for a darker cloth or be sure to wash it off really well before using the white towels. One exception is putting your feet up in someone's home, especially on a coffee table is a no-no. No matter if you do it in your home or not, it's not respectful. Be sure to ask your host about wearing shoes in the house and what their policy is. Don't smoke on their property without asking where it is acceptable to do so.

4. Clean Up- Regardless of how neat you like to keep your home, it is important and will show respect if you make it a habit to tidy up after yourself whether it be making your bed in the morning, hanging your towel up after a shower and putting away your toiletries or putting away item used in the kitchen. The last thing you want to do is make extra, unnecessary work for your host. in fact, if you have a little time your host would be overjoyed if you did the few dished in the sink, loaded the dishwasher or tidied up the shoe area in the front hall. Anything you can do to show you care and can make their life easier will mean more to them then you know. If you happen to break, spill or ruin something, make sure you get to it right away and let your host know. It's never a good idea to try to cover up something that's been damaged.

5. Do it for Yourself- If there is anything that you can do for yourself such as make you own breakfast, make coffee for everyone in the morning or do your own laundry, do it. You don't want to overwhelm your host with trivialities. If your host has not given you free reign and declared 'mi casa es su casa' then ask politely if you can make coffee for everyone vs. taking initiative. If your host hasn't told you to make yourself comfortable and grab what you need, they may have forgotten or may have a preference for who does what in their home. If you see them preparing dinner though, jump in and help them. If you ask them if they need help, they'll likely say "no".

6. Keep Comments to Yourself- You may be staying with a couple, your parents or complete strangers. Whatever the situation, it's always a good idea to try to mind your own business. If there is a marital tiff or a couple asks you for your opinion in a joking way, let them know you don't want to get into the middle. If you disagree with the way your sister parents her children, or perhaps there is a funky smell coming from the fridge or you don't like what is being served for dinner, do not comment. Just remember that while you may do things differently, you're only a guest for a few days and then you can home and do things as you wish.

7. Departure- While wine is a gift best given the first day of your trip upon arrival, a card along with something you've brought from home or a beautiful bouquet of flowers you picked up locally would be a wonderful way to thank your host and give them something goregous to remember your visit by. If your host played 'tour guide' to you in their home town, or you spent your days sightseeing together, you might even want to put together a cute and inexpensive little photo book and mail it to them afterwards. You can always email them your best digital photos, just be sure to include some of you together. If you were having so much fun that you forgot to even leave a card, be sure to mail one out as soon as you get back home.

Click HERE for some great hostess gift ideas for a dinner party or your next in-home stay so you can be a grateful guest.

Have your house guest experiences been good? What things did your guests do to either really suprise you, annoy you or elate you? Leave a comment!

Thanks for reading!

XO

Etiquette for Hosting House Guests

Do you enjoy hosting guests and entertaining or do you feel like you'd rather chew your own arm off? From anyone I've asked, I find they either love it and cannot wait until their next in-home gathering to show off their skills or they simply dread preparing for and hosting others in their home. Some are excited to see their guests but simply don't enjoy all of the cleaning and tiresome preparations that go into entertaining and hosting, which I can certainly understand. It's no wonder many exhale a big sigh of relief when their guests depart.

Many have voted on our poll and asked for more posts on manners and etiquette, so I wanted to focus on how to be a great host as the holiday season will be filled with these opportunities.

Whenever I do have house guests I like to go out of my way to make sure that their stay will feel like home to them. A place to feel cozy and that they want to return to. I have been a house guest myself many times and it has been rare that I truly feel at home or comfortable. If you are entertaining this holiday season and find yourself putting up family or friends, here are some great tips so that you'll make them feel welcome and shine as a great host:

1. Prepare Them Before They Arrive-If you live in a small home or have limited bedroom space available, don't feel the need to give up your own bed. However, if they'll be sleeping on an airbed or pull-out sofa in the middle of your livingroom without privacy, be sure to mention it to them beforehand so they can pack proper sleep attire and earplugs or an eye mask if necessary. Find out any flight or train details so you can pick them up when they arrive and greet them (if it is possible) which is most preferable or let them know about the nearest rental car agency if they need to grab a car or a cab, etc.

2. Pick Up- If you are picking guests up upon arrival, you'll want to help them with their luggage into the car if you are fit to do so. After a long flight or train ride where travelers are exhausted, this would be a sweet gesture. Greeting guests at an airport gate is a lovely idea but not always practical with airport parking fees and the extra time it takes. If your guests are travelling within the same country, it is perfectly acceptible to drive up to the arrivals baggage claim door. However, if it is a long lost relative, someone elderly or a friend travelling on a long flight halfway around the world, a gate greeting with some flowers would be most appropriate.

2. Lay Down Some Basic House Rules-If you do not smoke in your home, be sure to let those that do know where they can go to light up-the garage, the front porch, end of the driveway, etc. For those that do not wear shoes in their home (as we do in our home), be sure to communicate that to your guests in a lighthearted way when they arrive. You may want to provide some slippers, especially in the colder months. If there are several people sharing a bathroom, be sure to show each guest which one it is and allow them to work out a schedule for themselves. To make things easier for you, let them know that your house is their house. This way they can take initiative to make their own coffee early in the morning, or make themselves a snack so you don't feel like you are doing everything.

3. Making it Clean and Cozy- This is one of the most important areas I consider when entertaining. While everyone's home is different, there are many little things you can do to make their room feel like home while visiting. Here are a few:

• Clean & Fresh-Be sure that all bedding and sheets are fresh for each house guest you have. I have slept at a home once where the pillowcase didn't smell clean and it was not only gross but I didn't sleep well that night. Needless to say, I now carry my own clean pillowcase when I stay in someone's home. Also make sure the room is clean too, vacuumed and free of dust or dirt of any kind. If the room is rarely used be sure to clean under the bed and also wash any drapery to remove excess dust. Keep a small trash bin inside the room as well as in the bathroom for your guests so they don't have to hunt for one. Likewise, keep some rolled, clean towels and a face cloth for your guests at the foot of the bed and let them know where to locate extras.

• Reading Materials-Many guests don't sleep well in a new place, so to keep an insomniac happy, provide a few magazines and a few books that would be of interest. Keep a stack on top of or on a shelf of the nightstand. Be sure that there is a nightstand lamp so they can actually read without having to get up to turn the light on and off. Nightlights in the halls will help your guest find their way to the bathroom and kitchen at night.

• Midnight Snacks- At our house, I like to provide a little box of sweet treats or gourmet chocolates and bottled water with a glass and place it directly on the nightstand for midnight snacking. If your home is more dry or warm than your guest is used to, this may soothe a dry throat or keep them hydrated after a flight also. It also prevents the clanking of glasses and the sound of cabinet doors closing as they hunt for what hey need while you are trying to sleep.

• Climate Control-If you like to keep the AC to a minimum in the summer months and do not have a ceiling fan installed in the guests room, have a fan on hand to keep their room cool. Likewise, provide extra blankets or possibly a small room heater in cooler months.

• Toiletries-Be sure to keep some extra toiletries on hand for your guests as it's easy to forget something while packing. If you have some travel size bottles of shampoo, conditioner or body wash, lay them out on top of a fresh folded towel for your guest or place them in a little basket with other bath items that may be useful to them. Toothpaste seems to be a common item that gets left at home if they share with a spouse so be sure to keep some extra on hand. Another item to provide is a hair dryer, they are heavy and many people forget them, be sure to provide a regular or travel size dryer for them. Irons and ironing boards may be needed so let your guest know where they can find them.

• A corner of their own- If you know you'll be entertaining and hosting often or the guest bathroom is a shared space in your house with other family members or guests, a really nice touch (and practical necessity really) is a little corner sink with a beautiful mirror hung above it along with a small towel ring and hand towel. It creates a private place for your guests to do a light freshening up before coming out of their room in the morning and can be used for washing their face, applying makeup, putting in or removing contact lenses, brushing their teeth along with taking prescription medication/vitamins. In addition, it's the perfect spot to get a glass of water in the middle of the night without waking others while they roam the halls to find the nearest bathroom or kitchen in the dark. It really makes a guest feel welcomed and as if they truly have their own little oasis away from home. If you have a larger family, it's always nice to have yet one more little sink area for when things become overcrowded even when the guests have long gone.

• Something Special- Do something a little different to make your guests' visit memorable. I always like to write a personal handwritten card welcoming my guests that are staying, noting that I'm looking forward to our time together. It's something a little extra, but it makes people feel welcomed into your home. Another simple touch is to place a photo of you and your guest from years gone by in a frame in the room where they'll be staying. Fresh flowers are also a nice addition. You could buy your guests' favorite flowers or simply buy a mixed bunch and separate each individual smaller grouping of flowers into smaller vases and place some in their bedroom and some in the guest bathroom as well.

4. Entertainment- Depending on the nature of your guests' visit, you may or may not be showing them around town or acting as entertainment director. If you are working or not able to show them around and they are simply staying in your home, be sure to find some web links and bookmark them on your computer or print them off some info. If you can get your hands on some tourist info such as maps and activities, that will make their life much easier.

If you are going to be showing them around, be sure to prepare those plans in advance and find out admission times and prices to local venues and plan out which restaurants they may enjoy. Entertaining others can be expensive so keep your budget in mind and give them some options of what is available. If they are interested in some attractions that are outside of your price range, be upfront with them and let them know you'd love to spend time with them and see such attractions but that they aren't financially feasible for you. They'll understand and may even offer to pay for your admission or will agree to something less pricey.

5. Meals- Do not feel that because you are the host that it is your responsibility to cook constantly for everyone. If it is part of your routine and you enjoy it then by all means go for it, however if it isn't perhaps you can cook one meal for everyone on one particular evening or agree to go out to a restaurant. Leave the rest of the time for your guests to figure out meals on their own. Breakfast is generally simple and can easily be provided by having a couple boxes of cereal on hand, juice, fruit and some yogurt or some granola bars for those that are on-the-go. Do make sure your fridge is stocked with necessities so you can pull something together for lunch if you need to or if your guest needs to make a sandwich, but it is not your job to fund all of their meals or groceries unless you so desire.

6. Departure-If you are available to drop guests off at the airport, it is a nice departure and I highly recommend it. If, however, you are working or are not available at the hour they are leaving, just be sure to provide a snack for the road and see them off with a smile and let them know how much you enjoyed their visit. Provide a spare key to be left in the mailbox or under a mat if you will not be around when they leave, so they can lock up.

If your guests are leaving at an unsensible hour such as before 6am or after 11pm, you might want to call a cab for them to the airport or see them off with a hug, wave from the doorstep and then head to bed. It will not at all be considered rude that you are not driving them to the airport an hour from your house at 5am. After all, with so many flight times available those are things for your guest to consider while booking their trip.

Stay tuned for an upcoming post on the do's and dont's of being a house guest. In the meantime, you can read this previous post on how to be a grateful guest.

Do you have any wonderful memories as a guest in a friend's home or have you experienced any faux pas that a host has done while you've stayed with them? Leave a comment and share your experience. What do you do to make your guests feel special?

Thank you for reading!

XO



*image source

Modern Manners and Everyday Etiquette

When I created the readers' poll in September, I wanted to get your feedback so I could tailor the posts for you, the reader. We've only had 6 responses so far but the most requested topic by far for future posts is Manners and Etiquette.

If you haven't voted yet, please do! You can find it about halfway down the page on the left hand side.

These past few weeks have been busy and I've been doing some traveling out of state which will be followed by a visit from one of my girlfriends later this week. I've been able to keep this blog updated by using the scheduling feature. If you haven't tried it, it really is a helpful tool when on vacation or during busy holiday times too. When you post, instead of selecting automatic posts, choose a scheduled date and time under 'Post Options' and the scheduler will do the rest after you hit the 'publish post' button.

Once I'm back on my regular schedule you'll see many new posts on various topics but I will be sure to make etiquette of particular focus.

Do you have questions about manners and etiquette? Did you find yourself in a particular scenario where you were unsure what the proper etiquette was or do you have a general question pertaining to this topic? Leave a comment and I'll write you back in the comments section where others can feel free to leave their personal experiences or advice should they so choose. I want this blog to be interactive so that you can get the most out of it. Should your question be of a private nature, you can email me by clicking on the envelope in the left margin.

I look forward to reading your comments and questions!